Counterparts, Cricket and Kashmir

The invitation to watch the match between India and Pakistan at Mohali by Honorable prime Minister of India, Dr. Manmohan Singh, to his Pakistani counterpart, Mr.Yusuf Raza Gilani, has been gleefully accepted by the latter. The diplomats will call it a smart diplomatic maneuverer by Dr. Singh. The proponents of peace between the two nations will call it a ray of hope. The optimists will call it a step forward towards normalizing relations between the two states. The pessimists will throw in a word of caution siting "Agra 2001" shock. The cricket players and ex-players(they are alway the most vocal ones) will call cricket as the ultimate leveler and a harbinger of peace and good sense.

It is not the first time, and certainly not the last, that the political leaders of the two countries will try to solve a problem emanated at the borders, on a cricket field after failing to solve it on the table. We tried this in1987 with Mr. Zia Ul Haq then later with Mr. Musharraf. If something substantial would have come out on those occasions then we would have been able to recall it but we can't. Which simply suggests that not much was attained out of the so called "Cricket Diplomacy".

I sincerely believe in dialogue. I believe in peace and its dire need at the moment. But I doubt that a 100 overs game will solve it. A problem of 60 years can't be solved in a matter of 2 innings. It is a match between two arch rival nations, both on and off the pitch, but at the end of the day, its a cricket match to be savored with sportsman spirit. Its entertainment of the highest quality at the highest level between two high quality teams. Nothing more. Nothing less. Lets not make a big deal out of it in terms of bringing peace and stability to this part of the woods.

If cricket is possibly the answer to the questions posed by both India and Pakistan then a possible solution is to HAVE A CRICKET STADIUM in J&K. Lets have Indo-Pak matches only in that stadium, to be attended by all the politicians and diplomats and believers in this fluke idea. What fun would that be! Just imagine India and Pakistan playing a match in Kashmir attended by the who's who of both countries in the presence of thousands of spectators of J&K. If cricket can solve problems then this is worth a shot.

If cricket is the solution then instead of the two Prime Ministers, lets have Dhoni and Afridi solve the Kashmir issue. Have a match at J&K stadium, special invitation to all the parties at logger heads including Hurriyat, JKLF and National Conference. Have a late night IPL-like party. Possibly, the next day will have a new dawn. Everybody will feel CRICKETED and not in a mood to fight and we shall have peace.Simple!

But I do not see terrorists dropping their weapons and picking up cricket kits for the love of the game. Its ludicrous to think that cricket can broker a deal between the two nations when there never has been a successful conversation. Every time there has been a meeting, nothing concrete has come out. The statements made to press conferences after such meetings are so cliched and repetitive that I can write a statement that will come out after this WC semi-final match right now, with 80-90% accuracy! There will be statements like 'we have to continue dialogue, peace is important(well did we ever doubt that!) and Kashmir is the core issue( as if we never knew)'.

If you want to solve the issue, vision and execution plans are imperative. Unfortunately, these are the two things missing since the problems began. If you want to achieve something concrete, you don't need cricket matches or solemn occasions to do it. Peace is not an event but a process. If a high-end meeting every 4 or 5 years can achieve peace, then some one is living in a fool's paradise.

The only set of people who have benefited due to this invitation is Mr. Gilani and his delegation. It is because under the prevalent circumstances, it was impossible to get the tickets to this much awaited match. Punjab state assemly had requested its speaker to arrange tickets for the MLAs when the match is in their home state. So in such a situation, Mr. Gilani must thank our PM for getting him an opportunity to watch the match, and that too free.

Cartoon Physics

For all the lovers of toons, here are O'Donnell's Laws of Cartoon Motion. Those who know science and have been tormented by the Satanic Newton's Laws of Motion will realize, this is Manna from heaven.

They are interesting and funny. But most importantly, they are highly consistent across movies and cartoon series. Here are the Cartoon Laws of Motion:

• Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its situation. Then the regular laws of 32ft/s² take over. (The character walks off the edge of a cliff, remains suspended in midair, and doesn't fall until he looks down.)
• Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation conforming to its perimeter (the "silhouette of passage").
• Certain bodies can pass through solid walls painted to resemble tunnel entrances; others cannot. (Corollary: Portable holes work.)
• All principles of gravity are negated by fear. (i.e., scaring someone causes them to jump impossibly high in the air.)
• Any violent rearrangement of feline matter is impermanent. (In other words, cats heal fast and/or have an infinite number of lives.) Corollary: Cats can fit into unusually small spaces.
• Everything falls faster than an anvil. (A falling anvil will always land directly upon the character's head, squashing him flat or driving him into the ground.)
• A body will contort and stay contorted to any hole that is smaller than it. (Cat goes in mouse hole and comes out as a long semicircle.)
• Any vehicle on a path of travel is at a state of indeterminacy until an object enters a location which is in the path of travel. (Wolf walks into road and gets run over by a bus.)

Source: Wikipedia

The fraud-father

He is intrepid. He doesnt fear the backlash of THE SYSTEM. He makes his own path to acquire treasures of unsurmountable amounts. He is arrogant. He stands his ground despite a billion people pitching for his down fall. He holds his own when the law holds him guilty. He has followers, in fact devotees, who are strongly behind him and would not betray him, come what may. He commits crime, felonies of unimaginable scale and yet roams freely, with a shameless audacity which strikes fear in the hearts of those who still believe in moral standards. In order to ensure that the incredible feats of some of the great citizens of this great country do not go unnoticed, I propose that we commence the FRAUD-FATHER award of achievement in the field of corruption.

For long it was considered to be a bane to be tagged as corrupt. The society banished you. A man with a blot of compromising on values to garner material wealth was an idea unacceptable and punishable by excommunication by everyone, near and dear ones included.

But better sense has prevailed over time. While earlier, being corrupt, even allegedly, was the criteria for punishment, it graduated to "getting caught" after taking bribes or tweaking the law for kickbacks or blatantly partisaning with any party(not just political party) for money. Over time, not getting caught became difficult . The Tehelka's, sting ops and phone cameras made life hell for this splendid species of morally challenged human beings. So the bar was raised to "get caught but do not accept" criteria. So we had people denying that the man in the picture or video was them when even a blind man could recognize them!

Today we have a situation where even after proofs of foul play, A.Raja gets an unprecedented welcome in his home state. A situation where the Supreme Court had to force the police to arrest Hasan Ali. A situation where no one has a clue about what happened to Devas Multimedia. So, now getting caught and denying is an idea of days bygone. Today, you accept you heinous crime and roar a challenge to the countrymen declaring with chutzpah-"Yes I did what I always have done..but what have you done till date and what will you do now?"

The suicide of Sadiq Batcha could not have come at a worse time for the government. As if the controversies already at hand were not enough, the mysterious death of a key accused in the humungous 2G scam just added fuel to fire. But how can a common man be sure that it was a suicide and not the covering of tracks by the other powerful people involved. This clearly means that people are covering their tracks by pruning any loose ends. And they, most probably, will get away with murder. But let us at least give these men, and other similar ones, their due share of lime light through FRAUD FATHER.

As a simple citizen of the country, the sheer magnitude of the 2G scam is fascinating to me, not shocking. The kind of numbers that our politicians, bureaucrats and other members of the system are conjuring up scams is leaving people awestruck. And hence, we have the FRAUD FATHER award to acknowledge the contribution of these fine gentlemen to the dreams of the common man in this country.

2G scam cranked up an incredible Rs. 176000 crore and I am sure, A. Raja would have been confident that he had all but conquered the title of the FRAUD-FATHER. Alas! That was not to be. An unknown, small-time ex-scientist of ISRO, Chandrashekhar beat him to glory by a whopping margin of approximately Rs. 24000 crores. Chandrashekhar broke the psychological barrier of Rs. 200000 crore by signing up a deal with ISRO, which should otherwise have been worth billions, but cost him peanuts.

Just when we thought that the ex ISRO man was going to be crowned the FRAUD-FATHER, another man staked a claim to the throne. It was a scrap dealer from Pune, Hasan Ali, whose scraps were worth Rs. 30,00000 crores!! The governments tax claims against the steed farm owner are Rs. 50000 crores. Now that is an outstanding achiever for sure because even a layman who can afford to do a simple math knows that these numbers are frighteningly large.

But these scams have once again arisen hope amongst the common man. If a scrap dealer, a simple ISRO scinetist and a man who rose from humble roots to Union Cabinet can achieve such incredible feats, so can all of us. We can dream, and we can dream big. Sky is the limit.

A tad compromise on principals here, a little tweaking of values there, an unabated thirst for money, an instilled greed of gargantuan scale, an innate ability to keep one's self above nation, a desire to have an inundated Swiss bank account, These are the hallmarks of a true FRAUD FATHER. All those who feel that they are a perfect blend of these qualities will surely make it big in this country today.

The awards shall be delayed for a little while because WIKILEAKS is providing us with some BREAKING NEWS every minute and may unearth some even more mind boggling numbers. Lets keep our fingers crossed.

May the BEST MAN win!

Inspirational

Another gem from Shri Dwarika Prasad Maheswari

इतने ऊँचे उठो

-इतने ऊँचे उठो कि जितना उठा गगन है।

देखो इस सारी दुनिया को एक दृष्टि से
सिंचित करो धरा, समता की भाव वृष्टि से
जाति भेद की, धर्म-वेश की
काले गोरे रंग-द्वेष की
ज्वालाओं से जलते जग में
इतने शीतल बहो कि जितना मलय पवन है॥

नये हाथ से, वर्तमान का रूप सँवारो
नयी तूलिका से चित्रों के रंग उभारो
नये राग को नूतन स्वर दो
भाषा को नूतन अक्षर दो
युग की नयी मूर्ति-रचना में
इतने मौलिक बनो कि जितना स्वयं सृजन है॥

लो अतीत से उतना ही जितना पोषक है
जीर्ण-शीर्ण का मोह मृत्यु का ही द्योतक है
तोड़ो बन्धन, रुके न चिंतन
गति, जीवन का सत्य चिरन्तन
धारा के शाश्वत प्रवाह में
इतने गतिमय बनो कि जितना परिवर्तन है।

चाह रहे हम इस धरती को स्वर्ग बनाना
अगर कहीं हो स्वर्ग, उसे धरती पर लाना
सूरज, चाँद, चाँदनी, तारे
सब हैं प्रतिपल साथ हमारे
दो कुरूप को रूप सलोना
इतने सुन्दर बनो कि जितना आकर्षण है॥

Misfortune at the top of the pyramid

With all due respect to C K Prahlad, the fortune from "Fortune at the bottom of the pyramid" will take ages to be retrieved. But during this period the fortunate few at the top of the pyramid, who are the misfortune to this nation, will continue their shameless display of magalomania and grandeur. They will maintain their positions as the people who matter. They will keep making it to the various lists of most powerful, richest etc etc and they will keep the bottom from rising to the top as long as they can. What Mr. Prahlad forgot to mention in his book, which is considered to be a landmark on the marketing landscape, is that the fortune at the Bottom will stay at the bottom because the misfortune at the top is too heavy and powerful to displace.

Who is at the "top of the pyramid"?

It's the netas who throw lavish wedding ceremonies worth 250 crores to mock the everyday struggles of a hand to mouth , or even worse off, beggar in the streets. Also at the top are the arrogant headline seekers who gift helicopters as dowry to impose their stature as a suitable candidate for a constituency and declare thei financial and social clout to political parties so they may add weight to their claim for a ticket to the legislature. Accompanying the above mentioned at the top of the pyramid are big businessmen whose daughters get a fairytale wedding to contrast with the nightmarish lives of the millions for whom everyday begins with a wish to find some reason to see another day.

The top is also perched by the corrupt leaders and bureaucrats who stash money in Swiss bank accounts, who are involved in scams of unheard-of scales, officers who own enough illegal property to put real estate dealers to shame, people whose houses on being raided, erupt volumes of currency from under the beds and sofas, people who carry guns in their hands and law in their pockets, actors who find comfort in the fact that some force from the underworld is backing them or judiciary whose recent claim to fame has been for all the wrong reasons.

This undoubtedly is the misfortune of this nation. The creature at the top of the food chain is a cannibal. It plans to engulf every weak and meek one. It is only challenged by an equally diabolic species which takes the same form once it replaces or destroys its predecessor.

Fortune at the bottom of the pyramid is a fascinating proposition. A miracle in the making to say the least. But its a far cry from being materialised as long as the Misfortune at the top of the pyramid is sitting pretty.