Siberia doesn't mean much to India except for the Siberian Lions and some rubble of the cold war relations with Russia. But soon it may become one of the most controversial , till date unimportant, places in the recent India history if the Siberian court of Tomsk bans Bhagvad Gita as an extremist piece of literature.
Religion to me has been important so much so that I pray every night before dozing off. Hailing from the spiritual city of Rishikesh probably has its own effect. But its has neither been a burden nor an obligation. If anything, my faith in god has been a force which has maintained my drive in all walks of life.
Which brings back the question of what is god, if he is there at all! I believe he is there,omnipresent, omnipotent. But there is more to the concept which is very much relevant to the debate of Bhagvad Gita being tagged as an extremist scripture.
God concept probably emanated from the tendency of humans to find a safe haven or find a higher reason attributable to someone else, for the mistakes they made. Something on these lines can be probably comprehended in Attribution theory of motivation, if spoken in purely technical terms. Or we can say, we were always looking for Macavity. Hence, Macavity is God. He is blamed for whatever wrong that happens. Similarly. the term destiny got coined to pass on the buck to a different power beyond the control of the mortals when something happened, right or wrong. So, even destiny can be treated as equivalent to God in terms of impact and functions performed.
The concept quickly became important to those who did not believe they could carry on against the struggles in life without some aid. Hence, God became their partner, faith became their friend. The concept gave people support, made them realize their potential and helped them achieve what they possibly never imagined. As in words of the poet Rahim:
अनुचित उचित रहीम लघु, करहि बड़ेन के जोर ।
ज्यों ससि के संयोग से, पचवत आगि चकोर
meaning that whatever inappropriate or appropriate small people do, its always backed by someone stronger, which in our case was God, who was believed to give us strength and ability.
As the concept caught on, it became a way of life. Different people believed in different ways of life and hence, religions came into being. Beliefs were christened, routines engraved in stone and regimens were taught to commoners which would be rules for generations to follow.
But as always happens, beliefs of different factions were different and tussle to stamp one's superiority over the other led to friction and till today, the rift is consuming lives after lives.
In between all this, there were a need to lay down set procedures and all religions, hence, had their wise men writing codes for a good life. these codes went on to become the very essence of every faith and anyone who reads them can easily understand that these codes are nothing but logical thoughts on how to lead a simple and happy life.
The issue now is the misinterpretations and misrepresentation of these holy scriptures and this malevolence is rooted in the deep seated distrust and superiority complex of one faith towards the other. So in an orthodox society like Russia, Bhagwad Gita probably isn't an acceptable literature because the mere act of accepting the book of a a pagan may not go down well with an orthodox society.
The Gita propagates Karma Yoga and Sankhya Yoga where it urges mankind to be action oriented and always believe in hard work and power of good deeds such as sacrifice to drive their existence. And its the same message which is talked about in any other religious scripture. Even the simplest of minds can tell you what is the right way to live. There is nothing astounding written in any religious scriptures except "do good and be good" and this is no rocket science.
So why the hoopla about religious words and acts and their meanings and interpretations? Whatever be the decision by the court of Tomsk, it is not going to lay the matter to rest. Religion emanated from God concept which in turn was to make mankind believers, so it could strive harder. Now the meaning has been twisted, and ironically enough, is well on course to become the reason for obliteration of mankind.
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Friday, November 18, 2011
I have no idea what to write about!
I have no idea what to write about!
I seem to have run out of thoughts. Not that I always have a stream of great thoughts running through my mind. But not an inkling of brain activity is something I expected to happen to me when I was a septuagenarian and not while I am still studying.
Everyday I stare at my laptop screen for half an hour pondering over what to write about. Politics has always been my choice for writing and my favorite sport too. Yes I firmly believe that its a sport in India. If only they had it in Olympics, our podium finishes would have occurred more frequently. Currently, our podium finishes seem to be pegged to the time table of Haley's comet sighting.
But with all newspapers cluttered with Lokpal, Anna movement and news channels clamouring about the radical changes, rise of the common man and people power, I find myself ODed with political chitter-chatter.
My other topic of choice is, of course, football. My passion for the game is still intact but off late, I have had my hands full so there has been apparently no time to follow my favorite sport. Arsenal' woeful start to the season has only made matters worse. I like City's style though and their demolition of ManU really gave me immense satisfaction after the drubbing that Arsenal's received at Old Trafford.
Topics such as romance, love-hate, relationships are out of bounds for a person like me when it comes to writing. Its better to live through them than write about them. And frankly, they are too beautiful to get fair justice from a once-in-six-months blog writer like me.
Cricketers, actors, actresses, politicians are all getting enough attention from all corners of the media. Those who are not are tweeting to stay in news. So the role of commenting on their lives has been forcefully taken away from me. I think from Big B to A B to KOI BHI are doing a great job in this regard.
While my numbness is letting me down these days, the environmental scanning also suggests that everything that can be written about is either being copiously written about or is not worth writing about.
So what do i do?
I seem to have run out of thoughts. Not that I always have a stream of great thoughts running through my mind. But not an inkling of brain activity is something I expected to happen to me when I was a septuagenarian and not while I am still studying.
Everyday I stare at my laptop screen for half an hour pondering over what to write about. Politics has always been my choice for writing and my favorite sport too. Yes I firmly believe that its a sport in India. If only they had it in Olympics, our podium finishes would have occurred more frequently. Currently, our podium finishes seem to be pegged to the time table of Haley's comet sighting.
But with all newspapers cluttered with Lokpal, Anna movement and news channels clamouring about the radical changes, rise of the common man and people power, I find myself ODed with political chitter-chatter.
My other topic of choice is, of course, football. My passion for the game is still intact but off late, I have had my hands full so there has been apparently no time to follow my favorite sport. Arsenal' woeful start to the season has only made matters worse. I like City's style though and their demolition of ManU really gave me immense satisfaction after the drubbing that Arsenal's received at Old Trafford.
Topics such as romance, love-hate, relationships are out of bounds for a person like me when it comes to writing. Its better to live through them than write about them. And frankly, they are too beautiful to get fair justice from a once-in-six-months blog writer like me.
Cricketers, actors, actresses, politicians are all getting enough attention from all corners of the media. Those who are not are tweeting to stay in news. So the role of commenting on their lives has been forcefully taken away from me. I think from Big B to A B to KOI BHI are doing a great job in this regard.
While my numbness is letting me down these days, the environmental scanning also suggests that everything that can be written about is either being copiously written about or is not worth writing about.
So what do i do?
Monday, June 27, 2011
The Education Paradox
For a democracy to be as successful, evolved voter is of paramount importance. For the intellectual development of the voter, education is the tool. In India, as you get more and more educated and urbanized, you are less likely to vote. Look around and you will see that all IITs, IIMs and other top educational institutes are producing mind blowing professionals with an apathy towards voting right, which education should have ensured them to exercise.
This no way means that the young and the restless are apathetic towards the grim realities of the country. Its just that they prefer to use the voting day as a day to rest rather than spending it in long queues of voters at polling booths.
Plummeting voting numbers in metros is a case in the point. So at the end of the day, those who go to vote are the ones who are left behind in the drive for education, or rather, left un-evolved.
A better nation needs better democracy, which needs evolved voters. Education is the tool to produce evolved voters. Highly educated people do not go to vote. Democracy stays dependent on the uneducated voters. So nation doesn't develop.Paradox??
The people who understand the issues and can vote based on their judgement, instead of basing their vote on caste or money, do not go to vote. Those who go to vote are not thinking straight due to years of feeding of caste oriented hatred and misplaced allegiances in barter of liquor and money.
How do we improve the current political situation then? Those who should try and bring changes to the system stay away for paltry reasons such as time-constraints or responsibilities or the escapist excuse of disenchantment with the system. Who sets right, whatever is wrong?
The more pertinent question is what is the cure to this malaise? We will keep witnessing lower percentages of voter turnout in near future unless some sweeping changes are not put in place.The percentage may soon hit inferno, because the political scene is becoming worse day by day.
There has to be a way devised to give people an easy way to vote. The only way where the youth can become a voter is through online voting. Online voting is not a big deal, especially for us, with the IT capabilities that we possess. Superbly secure systems can be devised by any of our TCSs and Infys if government is ready to invest. Anybody listening??
This no way means that the young and the restless are apathetic towards the grim realities of the country. Its just that they prefer to use the voting day as a day to rest rather than spending it in long queues of voters at polling booths.
Plummeting voting numbers in metros is a case in the point. So at the end of the day, those who go to vote are the ones who are left behind in the drive for education, or rather, left un-evolved.
A better nation needs better democracy, which needs evolved voters. Education is the tool to produce evolved voters. Highly educated people do not go to vote. Democracy stays dependent on the uneducated voters. So nation doesn't develop.Paradox??
The people who understand the issues and can vote based on their judgement, instead of basing their vote on caste or money, do not go to vote. Those who go to vote are not thinking straight due to years of feeding of caste oriented hatred and misplaced allegiances in barter of liquor and money.
How do we improve the current political situation then? Those who should try and bring changes to the system stay away for paltry reasons such as time-constraints or responsibilities or the escapist excuse of disenchantment with the system. Who sets right, whatever is wrong?
The more pertinent question is what is the cure to this malaise? We will keep witnessing lower percentages of voter turnout in near future unless some sweeping changes are not put in place.The percentage may soon hit inferno, because the political scene is becoming worse day by day.
There has to be a way devised to give people an easy way to vote. The only way where the youth can become a voter is through online voting. Online voting is not a big deal, especially for us, with the IT capabilities that we possess. Superbly secure systems can be devised by any of our TCSs and Infys if government is ready to invest. Anybody listening??
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Geek Mythology- the most useless blog ever
For long, Geeks have been misunderstood by the common , lesser minds. It is difficult to be a true Geek, almost impossible. Here is a fact book about Geeks which is based on my personal experiences, being a Geek myself, and by observing my Geek friends who have truly been the raison d'etre for this post.
1) Geeks are humans too.
2) Once a Geek, always a Geek.
3) Good looking Geeks are only found in fairy tales.
4) Geeks are often able to bore people to death by talking about Greek mythology, science
experiments and above all, how they had fun with a bunch of Geeks.
5) Antonym of well dressed is Geek. So is the antonym of dressed-for-the-occasion.
6) A girl in love with a Geek had run out of options.
7) Geeks own a blog.
8) Geeks always prefer brain over beauty. So if given a choice, a Geek will always buy a
computer instead of a Bugati.(If you thought in terms of women, you are definitely not Geeky enough).
9) Geeks are good drivers as long as it is not a bike.
10) IT revolution is nothing but a Geek Revolution.Look at it closely and you will realize that IT is the realm of the Geeks.
11) Geeks have a morbid facial expression for every statement.
12) Books are a Geek's best friend. But Geeks and Computers are "Just friends".
13) True love never dies for Geeks. They get bored of it.
14) A Geek always refutes another Geek. Agreement is never an option amongst Geeks.
15) Internet is to Geek what water is to fish.
16) Geeks like e-comics. Yes they do.
On popular demand: Geeks are "FABulous"
Friday, June 17, 2011
Short term memory loss
After the Baba Ramdev fiasco, I feel many people must have now have had a painful realization about what is wrong with our great nation.
When you corner a lion, it has no option but to counter attack. That is where UPA finds itself. With the civil society, embellished by some well strewn publicity by the media, cornering the Manmohan Singh government, it had one option and one option alone, which was to concede to the demand of formation of a Lokpal Bill Drafting committee. Baba Ramdev's fast, however, turned everything haywire for the government. Now it had run out of options and hence, had but one choice. Fight back. So it did. By taking the dictatorial stance, the government sent a clear message to the civil society as well-Enough of goofing around.
The episode at the Ramlila ground does pose a few serious questions. Did the government cross the line? When, in the dead of the night, it encroached upon the freedom of expression of a seemingly harmless legion of sadhus and their yoga disciples, did it act as a despotic junta? Was the UPA feeling cornered and was forced to pounce on the Yoga guru in the manner that it did? But the biggest question is still unanswered.
What is the future of mass agitations in the country? Not so long ago, Jasmine revolution gave hope to millions of oppressed across the world that if they stood hand in hand against dictatorial regimes, they could overpower them or at least force them into caring for them. We suddenly realized the potential of agitations and the power of media. During such protests, there were many instances where the tyrannical state heads unleashed their armed forces on the agitators and there was blood on the streets. It wasn't shocking as such measures of oppression are common to non-democratic governments.
But how is this different from what happened in India? The government unleashed the notorious Delhi police upon soporific protesters to kill a movement which was just asking the government to uproot corruption and punish the corrupt. Now what is so wrong about it that barbaric force was used to maul the masses in the middle of the night.? That too when we rare the so called largest democracy in the world.
Democracy is the weakest form of governance and that is what has been engraved in stone by Manmohan Singh and his cronies. Despite a hue and cry for democracy in the world, a democracy is inefficient and subject to wild swings as has happened in India. The government today is blatant about not allowing the Lokpal Bill to be effective. It has even given up the common courtesy of fooling the gullible people of India by being sarcastic about the Drafting committee meetings and trying to peg the leaders of the Lokpal movement by trying to resurface the interred skeletons from the past of the chosen members of the committee.
One more question is what happens now. By going for the movement all alone, Baba Ramdev tried to hog the headlines and it seemed to go right for him in the beginning with 3 union ministers welcoming him at the Delhi Airport. But as the events unfolded, Babaji realized that even in a democracy, there is ample space for despots to use brute force. His aspiration to be a power center has not found many takers and he has shot himself in the foot, if he wanted a political career. But worse than that, he has diluted the anti-corruption movement by providing the government a chance to add a political angle to the demands of the Yoga guru.
The memory of the people of this country is short lived. With Union elections still far away, the government knows that we will forget what happened. And anyway, elections in India are never going to be affected by a movement in born and bred in Delhi. We will forget this movement as we forgot the Emergency after 3 years, as we forgot 26/11 in 1 year, as we forgot terror attacks in every city in this country in little time. And no one can be blamed for forgetting these.
The political debates are for the evolved intellectuals who sit in cozy rooms sipping coffee and discussing the fallout of every event. They are seriously concerned about the future of the country. They are think tanks and can devise plans and strategies for setting everything right. They can echo the voice of a billion strong population, in impeccable language, on different media forums. And they have a good memory. The only problem is that they don't matter.
The ones who matter have
1) short term memory loss syndrome
2) time to vote(unlike the media maniac intellectuals and the newly"evolved and agitated" urban youth)
The people who matter definitely do not have time to watch a heated political debate on the intricacies of administration. They are far too tired at night to sit in front of the idiot box and witness intellectuals (idiots who feel they are important) tear apart the government (metaphorically).
So they will vote and will do so irrespective of a movement in Delhi or Haridwar. They will forget scams and scamsters. They will vote for "the family". They will forget corruption. They will vote for their caste. They will forget the insalubrious marriage of crime and politics. They will vote for money and alcohol.
When this happens, we get what we have today. And that is a weak form of government, led by an even weaker man who is supported by people with weak moral fiber who have been voted to power by people with weak memories.
Baba Ramdev's movement for creating Ram Rajya was decimated on the Ram Lila ground. Ironic??
Note: Ram Rajya here means ideal world and has no religious undertones attached to it!
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Vegan Vampires, Wishful Werewolves and the Damsel in Distress
There was a time when a Vampire or a Werewolf Flick was assumed to be a part of Horror Genre. But the fearsome supernatural creatures of the dark have been forced to mutate into loving and caring softballs and have been added to the Romance Genre.
There was a time when Bram Stoker's Dracula was blood thirsty. He would delve his fangs into the necks of burly men and svelte beauties without any remorse. He would turn some into Vampires and leave the rest, bereft of life. He was mean, instilled fear in the hearts of audience and was a hated villain. Now the Vampire has turned Vegan. He or she loathes shedding human blood, partakes animal blood or even scientifically conjured blood like substance. He has taken an abstinence oath as if he were under a rehabilitation programme.
Count Vladislaw Dracula must be turning in his grave at the mockery his descendants have become. And the reason-the eternal issue of LOVE for a female. Typically a very frail, beautiful, soft girl has softened the indestructible.
The same girl has also turned the supernatural killing machine called Werewolf into a domesticated pup! Not so long ago Werewolves were busy tearing apart human beings with ferocity. Now they are protecting them! And for what-A kiss in the third part of a 5 part movie series! Bite me!
And worse of all, the two species which were at loggerheads for ages have an alliance to protect humans. It was fun to see the battle of Vampires and Werewolves. One killing the other. But now they sit together and CHAT! They discuss love lives and make each other jealous. The undead and the supernatural are fighting like school kids for the attention of a rather drab looking girl. They even argue the same way.Shouldn't they be fighting for who tears the girl into shreds first?
Vampires were supposed to stay away from sunlight.It could send them straight to where they belong-Hell. Sunlight was a human kinds greatest weapon against the bloodsuckers. Here too is a change in the scheme of things. Actually, Vamps only sparkle like sugar-coated sparkling candy instead of burning. Where is the thrill in that? The Vamp looks so mushy mushy, I would personally mash him up, stomp over him just as I like to do with the candy!
Well the writers and directors have got it all mixed up. There was a thrilling concept to send shivers down the spines of audiences. It has been turned into a farce. Senseless fantasies of human and animal emotions intertwined to produce a college chick flick.
Why did you have to do it? Why kill the undead and the supernatural in the most gruesome way by taking away what purists liked about them. Where is the bloodshed? Where is the gore, the killing?
I want my heroes(in this case villains) back. The villains are having an identity crisis it seems. Somebody get them a shrink to remind them whats their job. TO KILL.
No more chick flicks. Please!
There was a time when Bram Stoker's Dracula was blood thirsty. He would delve his fangs into the necks of burly men and svelte beauties without any remorse. He would turn some into Vampires and leave the rest, bereft of life. He was mean, instilled fear in the hearts of audience and was a hated villain. Now the Vampire has turned Vegan. He or she loathes shedding human blood, partakes animal blood or even scientifically conjured blood like substance. He has taken an abstinence oath as if he were under a rehabilitation programme.
Count Vladislaw Dracula must be turning in his grave at the mockery his descendants have become. And the reason-the eternal issue of LOVE for a female. Typically a very frail, beautiful, soft girl has softened the indestructible.
The same girl has also turned the supernatural killing machine called Werewolf into a domesticated pup! Not so long ago Werewolves were busy tearing apart human beings with ferocity. Now they are protecting them! And for what-A kiss in the third part of a 5 part movie series! Bite me!
And worse of all, the two species which were at loggerheads for ages have an alliance to protect humans. It was fun to see the battle of Vampires and Werewolves. One killing the other. But now they sit together and CHAT! They discuss love lives and make each other jealous. The undead and the supernatural are fighting like school kids for the attention of a rather drab looking girl. They even argue the same way.Shouldn't they be fighting for who tears the girl into shreds first?
Vampires were supposed to stay away from sunlight.It could send them straight to where they belong-Hell. Sunlight was a human kinds greatest weapon against the bloodsuckers. Here too is a change in the scheme of things. Actually, Vamps only sparkle like sugar-coated sparkling candy instead of burning. Where is the thrill in that? The Vamp looks so mushy mushy, I would personally mash him up, stomp over him just as I like to do with the candy!
Well the writers and directors have got it all mixed up. There was a thrilling concept to send shivers down the spines of audiences. It has been turned into a farce. Senseless fantasies of human and animal emotions intertwined to produce a college chick flick.
Why did you have to do it? Why kill the undead and the supernatural in the most gruesome way by taking away what purists liked about them. Where is the bloodshed? Where is the gore, the killing?
I want my heroes(in this case villains) back. The villains are having an identity crisis it seems. Somebody get them a shrink to remind them whats their job. TO KILL.
No more chick flicks. Please!
Friday, April 8, 2011
ANNA-ecdote
In a GD last year for a top notch MBA college, I happened to bring up the topic of LOKPAL BILL as an instrument to change this nation...My group members outrightly rejected my point...two had never heard about it...other two had faint idea and hence said that lokpal bill was not the way forward....where ever u guys are...hope now u know that its ignorant people like you who are pegging this country down by living in your flossy and flimsy world.....I thank Anna Hazaare more for bringing to notice, a topic long forgotten, a battle long lost......And I really doubt the quality of education we are providing...impractical education system like today is preparing people for an inconsequential world...Anna Hazaare is no engineer, no MBA.... but to me, he is a teacher, a guide and representative of what education should actually prepare you for...for standing up for your rights....fighting for the society...living for each other and supreme sacrifices in the name of the country.....
Monday, March 28, 2011
Counterparts, Cricket and Kashmir
The invitation to watch the match between India and Pakistan at Mohali by Honorable prime Minister of India, Dr. Manmohan Singh, to his Pakistani counterpart, Mr.Yusuf Raza Gilani, has been gleefully accepted by the latter. The diplomats will call it a smart diplomatic maneuverer by Dr. Singh. The proponents of peace between the two nations will call it a ray of hope. The optimists will call it a step forward towards normalizing relations between the two states. The pessimists will throw in a word of caution siting "Agra 2001" shock. The cricket players and ex-players(they are alway the most vocal ones) will call cricket as the ultimate leveler and a harbinger of peace and good sense.
It is not the first time, and certainly not the last, that the political leaders of the two countries will try to solve a problem emanated at the borders, on a cricket field after failing to solve it on the table. We tried this in1987 with Mr. Zia Ul Haq then later with Mr. Musharraf. If something substantial would have come out on those occasions then we would have been able to recall it but we can't. Which simply suggests that not much was attained out of the so called "Cricket Diplomacy".
I sincerely believe in dialogue. I believe in peace and its dire need at the moment. But I doubt that a 100 overs game will solve it. A problem of 60 years can't be solved in a matter of 2 innings. It is a match between two arch rival nations, both on and off the pitch, but at the end of the day, its a cricket match to be savored with sportsman spirit. Its entertainment of the highest quality at the highest level between two high quality teams. Nothing more. Nothing less. Lets not make a big deal out of it in terms of bringing peace and stability to this part of the woods.
If cricket is possibly the answer to the questions posed by both India and Pakistan then a possible solution is to HAVE A CRICKET STADIUM in J&K. Lets have Indo-Pak matches only in that stadium, to be attended by all the politicians and diplomats and believers in this fluke idea. What fun would that be! Just imagine India and Pakistan playing a match in Kashmir attended by the who's who of both countries in the presence of thousands of spectators of J&K. If cricket can solve problems then this is worth a shot.
If cricket is the solution then instead of the two Prime Ministers, lets have Dhoni and Afridi solve the Kashmir issue. Have a match at J&K stadium, special invitation to all the parties at logger heads including Hurriyat, JKLF and National Conference. Have a late night IPL-like party. Possibly, the next day will have a new dawn. Everybody will feel CRICKETED and not in a mood to fight and we shall have peace.Simple!
But I do not see terrorists dropping their weapons and picking up cricket kits for the love of the game. Its ludicrous to think that cricket can broker a deal between the two nations when there never has been a successful conversation. Every time there has been a meeting, nothing concrete has come out. The statements made to press conferences after such meetings are so cliched and repetitive that I can write a statement that will come out after this WC semi-final match right now, with 80-90% accuracy! There will be statements like 'we have to continue dialogue, peace is important(well did we ever doubt that!) and Kashmir is the core issue( as if we never knew)'.
If you want to solve the issue, vision and execution plans are imperative. Unfortunately, these are the two things missing since the problems began. If you want to achieve something concrete, you don't need cricket matches or solemn occasions to do it. Peace is not an event but a process. If a high-end meeting every 4 or 5 years can achieve peace, then some one is living in a fool's paradise.
The only set of people who have benefited due to this invitation is Mr. Gilani and his delegation. It is because under the prevalent circumstances, it was impossible to get the tickets to this much awaited match. Punjab state assemly had requested its speaker to arrange tickets for the MLAs when the match is in their home state. So in such a situation, Mr. Gilani must thank our PM for getting him an opportunity to watch the match, and that too free.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Cartoon Physics
For all the lovers of toons, here are O'Donnell's Laws of Cartoon Motion. Those who know science and have been tormented by the Satanic Newton's Laws of Motion will realize, this is Manna from heaven.
They are interesting and funny. But most importantly, they are highly consistent across movies and cartoon series. Here are the Cartoon Laws of Motion:
Source: Wikipedia
They are interesting and funny. But most importantly, they are highly consistent across movies and cartoon series. Here are the Cartoon Laws of Motion:
- Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its situation. Then the regular laws of 32ft/s² take over. (The character walks off the edge of a cliff, remains suspended in midair, and doesn't fall until he looks down.)
- Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation conforming to its perimeter (the "silhouette of passage").
- Certain bodies can pass through solid walls painted to resemble tunnel entrances; others cannot. (Corollary: Portable holes work.)
- All principles of gravity are negated by fear. (i.e., scaring someone causes them to jump impossibly high in the air.)
- Any violent rearrangement of feline matter is impermanent. (In other words, cats heal fast and/or have an infinite number of lives.) Corollary: Cats can fit into unusually small spaces.
- Everything falls faster than an anvil. (A falling anvil will always land directly upon the character's head, squashing him flat or driving him into the ground.)
- A body will contort and stay contorted to any hole that is smaller than it. (Cat goes in mouse hole and comes out as a long semicircle.)
- Any vehicle on a path of travel is at a state of indeterminacy until an object enters a location which is in the path of travel. (Wolf walks into road and gets run over by a bus.)
Source: Wikipedia
Thursday, March 17, 2011
The fraud-father
He is intrepid. He doesnt fear the backlash of THE SYSTEM. He makes his own path to acquire treasures of unsurmountable amounts. He is arrogant. He stands his ground despite a billion people pitching for his down fall. He holds his own when the law holds him guilty. He has followers, in fact devotees, who are strongly behind him and would not betray him, come what may. He commits crime, felonies of unimaginable scale and yet roams freely, with a shameless audacity which strikes fear in the hearts of those who still believe in moral standards. In order to ensure that the incredible feats of some of the great citizens of this great country do not go unnoticed, I propose that we commence the FRAUD-FATHER award of achievement in the field of corruption.
Today we have a situation where even after proofs of foul play, A.Raja gets an unprecedented welcome in his home state. A situation where the Supreme Court had to force the police to arrest Hasan Ali. A situation where no one has a clue about what happened to Devas Multimedia. So, now getting caught and denying is an idea of days bygone. Today, you accept you heinous crime and roar a challenge to the countrymen declaring with chutzpah-"Yes I did what I always have done..but what have you done till date and what will you do now?"
The suicide of Sadiq Batcha could not have come at a worse time for the government. As if the controversies already at hand were not enough, the mysterious death of a key accused in the humungous 2G scam just added fuel to fire. But how can a common man be sure that it was a suicide and not the covering of tracks by the other powerful people involved. This clearly means that people are covering their tracks by pruning any loose ends. And they, most probably, will get away with murder. But let us at least give these men, and other similar ones, their due share of lime light through FRAUD FATHER.
As a simple citizen of the country, the sheer magnitude of the 2G scam is fascinating to me, not shocking. The kind of numbers that our politicians, bureaucrats and other members of the system are conjuring up scams is leaving people awestruck. And hence, we have the FRAUD FATHER award to acknowledge the contribution of these fine gentlemen to the dreams of the common man in this country.
2G scam cranked up an incredible Rs. 176000 crore and I am sure, A. Raja would have been confident that he had all but conquered the title of the FRAUD-FATHER. Alas! That was not to be. An unknown, small-time ex-scientist of ISRO, Chandrashekhar beat him to glory by a whopping margin of approximately Rs. 24000 crores. Chandrashekhar broke the psychological barrier of Rs. 200000 crore by signing up a deal with ISRO, which should otherwise have been worth billions, but cost him peanuts.
Just when we thought that the ex ISRO man was going to be crowned the FRAUD-FATHER, another man staked a claim to the throne. It was a scrap dealer from Pune, Hasan Ali, whose scraps were worth Rs. 30,00000 crores!! The governments tax claims against the steed farm owner are Rs. 50000 crores. Now that is an outstanding achiever for sure because even a layman who can afford to do a simple math knows that these numbers are frighteningly large.
But these scams have once again arisen hope amongst the common man. If a scrap dealer, a simple ISRO scinetist and a man who rose from humble roots to Union Cabinet can achieve such incredible feats, so can all of us. We can dream, and we can dream big. Sky is the limit.
A tad compromise on principals here, a little tweaking of values there, an unabated thirst for money, an instilled greed of gargantuan scale, an innate ability to keep one's self above nation, a desire to have an inundated Swiss bank account, These are the hallmarks of a true FRAUD FATHER. All those who feel that they are a perfect blend of these qualities will surely make it big in this country today.
The awards shall be delayed for a little while because WIKILEAKS is providing us with some BREAKING NEWS every minute and may unearth some even more mind boggling numbers. Lets keep our fingers crossed.
For long it was considered to be a bane to be tagged as corrupt. The society banished you. A man with a blot of compromising on values to garner material wealth was an idea unacceptable and punishable by excommunication by everyone, near and dear ones included.
But better sense has prevailed over time. While earlier, being corrupt, even allegedly, was the criteria for punishment, it graduated to "getting caught" after taking bribes or tweaking the law for kickbacks or blatantly partisaning with any party(not just political party) for money. Over time, not getting caught became difficult . The Tehelka's, sting ops and phone cameras made life hell for this splendid species of morally challenged human beings. So the bar was raised to "get caught but do not accept" criteria. So we had people denying that the man in the picture or video was them when even a blind man could recognize them!
But better sense has prevailed over time. While earlier, being corrupt, even allegedly, was the criteria for punishment, it graduated to "getting caught" after taking bribes or tweaking the law for kickbacks or blatantly partisaning with any party(not just political party) for money. Over time, not getting caught became difficult . The Tehelka's, sting ops and phone cameras made life hell for this splendid species of morally challenged human beings. So the bar was raised to "get caught but do not accept" criteria. So we had people denying that the man in the picture or video was them when even a blind man could recognize them!
Today we have a situation where even after proofs of foul play, A.Raja gets an unprecedented welcome in his home state. A situation where the Supreme Court had to force the police to arrest Hasan Ali. A situation where no one has a clue about what happened to Devas Multimedia. So, now getting caught and denying is an idea of days bygone. Today, you accept you heinous crime and roar a challenge to the countrymen declaring with chutzpah-"Yes I did what I always have done..but what have you done till date and what will you do now?"
The suicide of Sadiq Batcha could not have come at a worse time for the government. As if the controversies already at hand were not enough, the mysterious death of a key accused in the humungous 2G scam just added fuel to fire. But how can a common man be sure that it was a suicide and not the covering of tracks by the other powerful people involved. This clearly means that people are covering their tracks by pruning any loose ends. And they, most probably, will get away with murder. But let us at least give these men, and other similar ones, their due share of lime light through FRAUD FATHER.
As a simple citizen of the country, the sheer magnitude of the 2G scam is fascinating to me, not shocking. The kind of numbers that our politicians, bureaucrats and other members of the system are conjuring up scams is leaving people awestruck. And hence, we have the FRAUD FATHER award to acknowledge the contribution of these fine gentlemen to the dreams of the common man in this country.
2G scam cranked up an incredible Rs. 176000 crore and I am sure, A. Raja would have been confident that he had all but conquered the title of the FRAUD-FATHER. Alas! That was not to be. An unknown, small-time ex-scientist of ISRO, Chandrashekhar beat him to glory by a whopping margin of approximately Rs. 24000 crores. Chandrashekhar broke the psychological barrier of Rs. 200000 crore by signing up a deal with ISRO, which should otherwise have been worth billions, but cost him peanuts.
Just when we thought that the ex ISRO man was going to be crowned the FRAUD-FATHER, another man staked a claim to the throne. It was a scrap dealer from Pune, Hasan Ali, whose scraps were worth Rs. 30,00000 crores!! The governments tax claims against the steed farm owner are Rs. 50000 crores. Now that is an outstanding achiever for sure because even a layman who can afford to do a simple math knows that these numbers are frighteningly large.
But these scams have once again arisen hope amongst the common man. If a scrap dealer, a simple ISRO scinetist and a man who rose from humble roots to Union Cabinet can achieve such incredible feats, so can all of us. We can dream, and we can dream big. Sky is the limit.
A tad compromise on principals here, a little tweaking of values there, an unabated thirst for money, an instilled greed of gargantuan scale, an innate ability to keep one's self above nation, a desire to have an inundated Swiss bank account, These are the hallmarks of a true FRAUD FATHER. All those who feel that they are a perfect blend of these qualities will surely make it big in this country today.
The awards shall be delayed for a little while because WIKILEAKS is providing us with some BREAKING NEWS every minute and may unearth some even more mind boggling numbers. Lets keep our fingers crossed.
May the BEST MAN win!
Inspirational
Another gem from Shri Dwarika Prasad Maheswari
इतने ऊँचे उठो -इतने ऊँचे उठो कि जितना उठा गगन है।
देखो इस सारी दुनिया को एक दृष्टि से
सिंचित करो धरा, समता की भाव वृष्टि से
जाति भेद की, धर्म-वेश की
काले गोरे रंग-द्वेष की
ज्वालाओं से जलते जग में
इतने शीतल बहो कि जितना मलय पवन है॥
नये हाथ से, वर्तमान का रूप सँवारो
नयी तूलिका से चित्रों के रंग उभारो
नये राग को नूतन स्वर दो
भाषा को नूतन अक्षर दो
युग की नयी मूर्ति-रचना में
इतने मौलिक बनो कि जितना स्वयं सृजन है॥
लो अतीत से उतना ही जितना पोषक है
जीर्ण-शीर्ण का मोह मृत्यु का ही द्योतक है
तोड़ो बन्धन, रुके न चिंतन
गति, जीवन का सत्य चिरन्तन
धारा के शाश्वत प्रवाह में
इतने गतिमय बनो कि जितना परिवर्तन है।
चाह रहे हम इस धरती को स्वर्ग बनाना
अगर कहीं हो स्वर्ग, उसे धरती पर लाना
सूरज, चाँद, चाँदनी, तारे
सब हैं प्रतिपल साथ हमारे
दो कुरूप को रूप सलोना
इतने सुन्दर बनो कि जितना आकर्षण है॥
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Misfortune at the top of the pyramid
With all due respect to C K Prahlad, the fortune from "Fortune at the bottom of the pyramid" will take ages to be retrieved. But during this period the fortunate few at the top of the pyramid, who are the misfortune to this nation, will continue their shameless display of magalomania and grandeur. They will maintain their positions as the people who matter. They will keep making it to the various lists of most powerful, richest etc etc and they will keep the bottom from rising to the top as long as they can. What Mr. Prahlad forgot to mention in his book, which is considered to be a landmark on the marketing landscape, is that the fortune at the Bottom will stay at the bottom because the misfortune at the top is too heavy and powerful to displace.
Who is at the "top of the pyramid"?
It's the netas who throw lavish wedding ceremonies worth 250 crores to mock the everyday struggles of a hand to mouth , or even worse off, beggar in the streets. Also at the top are the arrogant headline seekers who gift helicopters as dowry to impose their stature as a suitable candidate for a constituency and declare thei financial and social clout to political parties so they may add weight to their claim for a ticket to the legislature. Accompanying the above mentioned at the top of the pyramid are big businessmen whose daughters get a fairytale wedding to contrast with the nightmarish lives of the millions for whom everyday begins with a wish to find some reason to see another day.
The top is also perched by the corrupt leaders and bureaucrats who stash money in Swiss bank accounts, who are involved in scams of unheard-of scales, officers who own enough illegal property to put real estate dealers to shame, people whose houses on being raided, erupt volumes of currency from under the beds and sofas, people who carry guns in their hands and law in their pockets, actors who find comfort in the fact that some force from the underworld is backing them or judiciary whose recent claim to fame has been for all the wrong reasons.
This undoubtedly is the misfortune of this nation. The creature at the top of the food chain is a cannibal. It plans to engulf every weak and meek one. It is only challenged by an equally diabolic species which takes the same form once it replaces or destroys its predecessor.
Fortune at the bottom of the pyramid is a fascinating proposition. A miracle in the making to say the least. But its a far cry from being materialised as long as the Misfortune at the top of the pyramid is sitting pretty.
Who is at the "top of the pyramid"?
It's the netas who throw lavish wedding ceremonies worth 250 crores to mock the everyday struggles of a hand to mouth , or even worse off, beggar in the streets. Also at the top are the arrogant headline seekers who gift helicopters as dowry to impose their stature as a suitable candidate for a constituency and declare thei financial and social clout to political parties so they may add weight to their claim for a ticket to the legislature. Accompanying the above mentioned at the top of the pyramid are big businessmen whose daughters get a fairytale wedding to contrast with the nightmarish lives of the millions for whom everyday begins with a wish to find some reason to see another day.
The top is also perched by the corrupt leaders and bureaucrats who stash money in Swiss bank accounts, who are involved in scams of unheard-of scales, officers who own enough illegal property to put real estate dealers to shame, people whose houses on being raided, erupt volumes of currency from under the beds and sofas, people who carry guns in their hands and law in their pockets, actors who find comfort in the fact that some force from the underworld is backing them or judiciary whose recent claim to fame has been for all the wrong reasons.
This undoubtedly is the misfortune of this nation. The creature at the top of the food chain is a cannibal. It plans to engulf every weak and meek one. It is only challenged by an equally diabolic species which takes the same form once it replaces or destroys its predecessor.
Fortune at the bottom of the pyramid is a fascinating proposition. A miracle in the making to say the least. But its a far cry from being materialised as long as the Misfortune at the top of the pyramid is sitting pretty.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Rebelution
Not many know Khaled Saeed. Even fewer will know Mohammed Bouazizi.
For those who don't know-these two men are the reason why the middle eastern dictatorships and kingdoms are falling like nine pins. The revolution in Tunisia began when Bouazizi immolated himself due to institutional atrocities. The fire that claimed his life went on to consume the dictator Ben Ali too. Similarly, Khaled Saeed's death(murder by the Egyptian Police actually) instigated the downfall of Housni Mubarak.
These two lives contributed to the beginning of the "Jasmine revolution". The deaths united the millions who were tormented by the state machinery in the countries where monarchy and dictatorship have always been the flavour of the season. All of a sudden, every kingdom or quasi-kingdom faced protests on an unprecedented scale. The shouts for freedon grew louder and louder. The message was clear-"We have had enough". The tyrants went running for shelter.
The power of the people went back into the hands of the people. A dawn of democracy is being seen at the horizon. The middle eastern kingdoms still under the tight leash of autocrats may not remained untouched by the cries for independence for long. Those who have always used power to crush the aspirations of the burgeosie have had fear struck into their hearts. We will continue to see charge and resistance for assuming and maintaining control for some time.
But what was critical to the initiation of the revolution, particularly in Egypt, was a facebook page--"We all are Khaled Saeed". The war against tyranny actually began from the virtual world and ended in the real one. People joined forces online. SMS and internet were used as channels of propogation by the revolutionaries. If the STATE had bullets, the people had BYTES. And their 'byte' really was fatal for the uncrowned king.
The success of the Jasmine Revolution in Tunisia and Egypt has triggered hope amongst the people of all countries that it is possible to overthrow regimes without bloodshed, without killing, without bombs and guns. The whole revolution was free of massacres or deaths except when the state machinery tried to push the peaceful people on the back foot. But unlike the past, this time, there was no going back. The resolve was palapable with more hands joining the chain everyday.
But the success also suggests the power that can be wielded by a common man through cyberworld. Information, communication and other jargons are now out of boardroom discussions and can be seen in action, where they are actually transforming the world. For long we had been told that the internet and the information deluge that it will bring will empower people to do wonders. And finally, it has happened.
The name of a mild flower perfectly suits the spirit of the revolution. It was a peaceful revolution fuelled by the spirit of the common man to gain his freedom, to get his life back, to create a new future. And the surprise was the swiftness with which all this happened.
30 years of tyranny could not stand 30 days of revolution!
The implication of this mass uprising will have an impact on the future of the world. Democracy will be strengthened world wide. We already have seen Chinese government's promptness in blocking SMS and any information related to Egypt and Tunisia(and Jasmine too). Other countries with unelected governments are facing severe agitations. Mass media is the leveller now.
The Jasmine Revolution has reinstated faith amongst those who had become despondent seeing force overpowering freedom all around them. Kudos to the people who did it. Salute to their srength,courage and determination. Those who have lived this phase will be remembered for they contributed to not just a nation but to humanity.
Goof ups and government
Whats going on with all the speech goof ups by our government executives?
The ignominy of our foreign minister reading out Portuguese minister's speech had yet not been forgotten and we have another epiosde where communists have alleged that the Honourable President's opening lines were from last year's speech!
The foreign minsiter later tried to push the issue to the sidelines in DY Patil style.(Remember his statement after 26/11 which led to his ouster from office.) He said it wasn't a mistkae and such mistakes tend to happen.
Similar explanations may be offered for the Presidential speech blunder. But the question is that if people at the top are getting it all wrong with speeches(which probably is a politician's bread and butter) or the writers of those speeches, as in the case of President, are running short of ideas then what action can be taken?
Error prone governenance is unacceptable. Error prone leaders are also unacceptable. And silly mistakes are also unacceptable. Not while you are addressing the world at UN assembly or when you are addressing the session of the Parliament.(Probably the speakers and writers need training in Six Sigma approaches to get it first time right).
Not only does a poor or incorrect speech on such huge stages make the speaker stand in a bad light, it makes the citizens lose the faith in the institution called government. And at the crucuial juncture where we stand today,where people already feel disoriented with politicians, such mistake will further exacerbate the situation.
Not long ago, there was a news about a calculation mistake in the budget required rectification. The error value-55000 crores! I agree that to an economist, its just a figure which may be a tiny percentage of the budgetary target, a mistake between real and nominal values or factor cost vs market cost, but to a common man its still 55000 crores worth of mistake.
In our nation, the government, no matter how much we criticize it, is the supreme force. It is revered, feared, followed and tracked. So a goof up by any of its elite members affects the mind of every individual who still feels that the government is crucial for the running of our country. Lets hope that these mistakes are one-off incidents of agony.
The ignominy of our foreign minister reading out Portuguese minister's speech had yet not been forgotten and we have another epiosde where communists have alleged that the Honourable President's opening lines were from last year's speech!
The foreign minsiter later tried to push the issue to the sidelines in DY Patil style.(Remember his statement after 26/11 which led to his ouster from office.) He said it wasn't a mistkae and such mistakes tend to happen.
Similar explanations may be offered for the Presidential speech blunder. But the question is that if people at the top are getting it all wrong with speeches(which probably is a politician's bread and butter) or the writers of those speeches, as in the case of President, are running short of ideas then what action can be taken?
Error prone governenance is unacceptable. Error prone leaders are also unacceptable. And silly mistakes are also unacceptable. Not while you are addressing the world at UN assembly or when you are addressing the session of the Parliament.(Probably the speakers and writers need training in Six Sigma approaches to get it first time right).
Not only does a poor or incorrect speech on such huge stages make the speaker stand in a bad light, it makes the citizens lose the faith in the institution called government. And at the crucuial juncture where we stand today,where people already feel disoriented with politicians, such mistake will further exacerbate the situation.
Not long ago, there was a news about a calculation mistake in the budget required rectification. The error value-55000 crores! I agree that to an economist, its just a figure which may be a tiny percentage of the budgetary target, a mistake between real and nominal values or factor cost vs market cost, but to a common man its still 55000 crores worth of mistake.
In our nation, the government, no matter how much we criticize it, is the supreme force. It is revered, feared, followed and tracked. So a goof up by any of its elite members affects the mind of every individual who still feels that the government is crucial for the running of our country. Lets hope that these mistakes are one-off incidents of agony.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Who will be the champion?
ManU once again came back from the dead against Blackpool to win with a last gasp goal from the formerly tagged " Incredible Sulk", Berbatov. Arsenal have been in red hot form off late.And finally, Chelsea, after their worst run of games in history for apparently no reason, have reignited their championship challenge.
Not too long ago, Chelsea were mauling opponents with ridiculous ease and the championship looked to be in their pocket. ManU were struggling, Man city were spending and not winning and Arsenal were playing their role of also rans to perfection.
But then, Chelsea snapped without any pressure. The reason suggested was the absence of key players but still, the bench strength of Chelsea is supposedly far superior to the playing 11 of most sides in the BPL. So the inexplicable drubbing by Sunderland at Stamford Bridge was inexplicable and unacceptable. So were many other results. If your best players are out due to injuries, you are expected to lose, especially against the other members of the Big 4 but the Blues lost points against hopeless sides and that is baffling.
ManU on the other hand, have always been good at grinding out results. Fergie is always able to inspire his side to stick to the task and get points. If needed they can play ugly too. And at times, they are mesmerising. Not long ago,Man U were struggling too and had Chelsea not lost form, people would have questioned Sir Alex's strategy this season (I already did that in a blog). But Chelsea left the door of opportunity open and Man U have made the most of it to take a commanding lead. Unless Arsenal come up with an astonishing chase coupled with the possibility of a Man U stumble, the result is not hard to guess.
Liverpool will be keeping their fingers crossed as Man U are tied with them at the summit for the highest number of titles. If ManU win, then they will leave behind Liverpool, who continue to have a dreadful season and often have been close to the relegation zone. Lets see if Dalglish can bring back the past glory which he was the last one to feel as a coach.
The only way some spice can get added to the title race will be through United's 2 matches against Chelsea. Arsenal never play well against ManU. So ManU will be the favorite to win the match between the two sides . But against Chelsea, ManU are not comfortable and that is the point where Chelsea have an edge. They did a double on United last season. Hope they do it again to add flavour to the title race this year too.
Not too long ago, Chelsea were mauling opponents with ridiculous ease and the championship looked to be in their pocket. ManU were struggling, Man city were spending and not winning and Arsenal were playing their role of also rans to perfection.
But then, Chelsea snapped without any pressure. The reason suggested was the absence of key players but still, the bench strength of Chelsea is supposedly far superior to the playing 11 of most sides in the BPL. So the inexplicable drubbing by Sunderland at Stamford Bridge was inexplicable and unacceptable. So were many other results. If your best players are out due to injuries, you are expected to lose, especially against the other members of the Big 4 but the Blues lost points against hopeless sides and that is baffling.
ManU on the other hand, have always been good at grinding out results. Fergie is always able to inspire his side to stick to the task and get points. If needed they can play ugly too. And at times, they are mesmerising. Not long ago,Man U were struggling too and had Chelsea not lost form, people would have questioned Sir Alex's strategy this season (I already did that in a blog). But Chelsea left the door of opportunity open and Man U have made the most of it to take a commanding lead. Unless Arsenal come up with an astonishing chase coupled with the possibility of a Man U stumble, the result is not hard to guess.
Liverpool will be keeping their fingers crossed as Man U are tied with them at the summit for the highest number of titles. If ManU win, then they will leave behind Liverpool, who continue to have a dreadful season and often have been close to the relegation zone. Lets see if Dalglish can bring back the past glory which he was the last one to feel as a coach.
The only way some spice can get added to the title race will be through United's 2 matches against Chelsea. Arsenal never play well against ManU. So ManU will be the favorite to win the match between the two sides . But against Chelsea, ManU are not comfortable and that is the point where Chelsea have an edge. They did a double on United last season. Hope they do it again to add flavour to the title race this year too.
Monday, January 24, 2011
What is it about Haryana?????
"Haryana is the land of anecdotes...Anybody who says otherwise has never been to Haryana!!!"
-Shardul Bahuguna, A tribute to Haryana
Since the day I landed in Haryana, the state and the fabled JAATS have not disappointed me. They, truly, have lived up to their reputation of carefree, harsh on ears, guzzlers, uncouth but delightfully straight forward though rough and irritating at times.
1) My first truely Haryanvi experience happened in an auto. Small cities like Rohtak still have the shared auto which charges you 10 rupees and plies you from one end of the city to another. What a relief after the organized looters called "autowallahs" of Delhi!! Generally, if people are standing on the sidewalks then the shared autowallas stop and ask them if they would like to take the auto. Interested people get on board while rest refuse and the auto moves on. But not in Haryana!!!!!
I got into an auto on this fateful day. Everything goes according to plan. Autowallah sees 3 prospective passengers, stops, asks if they would like to get in. Unfortunately for them, they refuse. And the Autowallah replies " Jab jana ni hai to road ke side me kyun khada hai?". Add some really rough tone, and proper Haryanvi and it is a crazy sentence.I was flabbergasted!! But the 3 were not. In fact everyone inside the auto including me had a hearty laugh at it.Its Haryana's way of communication, straight, rough and aggressive.
2) Second instance of Haryanvi humour left me dumbfounded. Haryanvi's do have a sense of humour. The only problem is that their tone sounds so rude to people from outside that they often end up offending others. But if you have a funny bone, you would enjoy the peculiar jokes.
Delhi to Rohtak ticket cost Rs. 43 when I joined college. It got raised to Rs. 50 after around a month which I did not know. When I boarded a bus from Rohtak to Delhi, as a good gesture, I offered a Rs. 100 note plus Rs. 3 change to make it easier for the Bus conductor. The instant reply was" Teen rupaye ki toffee khaaon kay??" Neither did he say that the ticket prices had risen nor did he talk about the non-necessity of the 3 rupees. He thought he had simply let fly a sugar-shot at me, Haryana style, but I actually felt that a bolt had pierced my head, end to end.
I had a good laugh at it later when I shared it with my friends.
3)The latest episode talks about the doctors of Haryana. There are very few hospitals and clinic in Rohtak possibly owing to the enviable fitness of the Jaats. So when I finally decided to see a doctor after a week of sickness, it was hard to find a doctor. After asking a few medical stores, we finally got to Dr. X(the name has to be kept under wraps. I dont want to mess up in Haryana. I still have more than an year in Haryana.).
ME:Hello Sir
Doctor- Kya hua
ME: Bukhaar hai
Doctor: Tu Crocin kha le
ME: teen din se kha raha hoon
Doctor: tu 2 din aur kha le
ME: Khansi bhi hai.
Doctor: Tu Benadryl bhi pi le
ME: bas
Doctor: haan haan Crocin kha aur Benadryl pi
No fees.No checkup.He didnt even check my heart beat through wrist! And he is very popular in the city!
When these things actually take place, you may feel shocked. But in hindsight, you die laughing at what had happened.
Haryana rocks!
-Shardul Bahuguna, A tribute to Haryana
Since the day I landed in Haryana, the state and the fabled JAATS have not disappointed me. They, truly, have lived up to their reputation of carefree, harsh on ears, guzzlers, uncouth but delightfully straight forward though rough and irritating at times.
1) My first truely Haryanvi experience happened in an auto. Small cities like Rohtak still have the shared auto which charges you 10 rupees and plies you from one end of the city to another. What a relief after the organized looters called "autowallahs" of Delhi!! Generally, if people are standing on the sidewalks then the shared autowallas stop and ask them if they would like to take the auto. Interested people get on board while rest refuse and the auto moves on. But not in Haryana!!!!!
I got into an auto on this fateful day. Everything goes according to plan. Autowallah sees 3 prospective passengers, stops, asks if they would like to get in. Unfortunately for them, they refuse. And the Autowallah replies " Jab jana ni hai to road ke side me kyun khada hai?". Add some really rough tone, and proper Haryanvi and it is a crazy sentence.I was flabbergasted!! But the 3 were not. In fact everyone inside the auto including me had a hearty laugh at it.Its Haryana's way of communication, straight, rough and aggressive.
2) Second instance of Haryanvi humour left me dumbfounded. Haryanvi's do have a sense of humour. The only problem is that their tone sounds so rude to people from outside that they often end up offending others. But if you have a funny bone, you would enjoy the peculiar jokes.
Delhi to Rohtak ticket cost Rs. 43 when I joined college. It got raised to Rs. 50 after around a month which I did not know. When I boarded a bus from Rohtak to Delhi, as a good gesture, I offered a Rs. 100 note plus Rs. 3 change to make it easier for the Bus conductor. The instant reply was" Teen rupaye ki toffee khaaon kay??" Neither did he say that the ticket prices had risen nor did he talk about the non-necessity of the 3 rupees. He thought he had simply let fly a sugar-shot at me, Haryana style, but I actually felt that a bolt had pierced my head, end to end.
I had a good laugh at it later when I shared it with my friends.
3)The latest episode talks about the doctors of Haryana. There are very few hospitals and clinic in Rohtak possibly owing to the enviable fitness of the Jaats. So when I finally decided to see a doctor after a week of sickness, it was hard to find a doctor. After asking a few medical stores, we finally got to Dr. X(the name has to be kept under wraps. I dont want to mess up in Haryana. I still have more than an year in Haryana.).
ME:Hello Sir
Doctor- Kya hua
ME: Bukhaar hai
Doctor: Tu Crocin kha le
ME: teen din se kha raha hoon
Doctor: tu 2 din aur kha le
ME: Khansi bhi hai.
Doctor: Tu Benadryl bhi pi le
ME: bas
Doctor: haan haan Crocin kha aur Benadryl pi
No fees.No checkup.He didnt even check my heart beat through wrist! And he is very popular in the city!
When these things actually take place, you may feel shocked. But in hindsight, you die laughing at what had happened.
Haryana rocks!
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